In this episode, I talk about how to use this show & community, the top 4 principles for doing this kind of work, what we physically do here, and the 4 ways you can learn how to become the craftsman of your life.
Show Notes:
- (08:13): How to Use This Podcast and Community
- (12:42): Top 4 Principles
- (14:09): Confidentiality vs Secrecy
- (15:46): Intention and Reinstating Safety
- (19:06): What is an emotion?
- (23:39): How to Check In
- (24:58): Neurosomatic Breathwork Sessions
- (31:26): Man Box
- (34:57): Learning How to Be the Craftsmen of Our Lives
Chris (00:00):
Welcome, gentlemen to season two episode one of the Unshakable Man Podcast and Community. I am so deeply honored and excited to welcome you guys in for this show. For this launch, I feel like I have so much inside of me that wants to come out that I want to share with you, I can feel it just coursing through my veins. And I’ve noticed it in my practice with myself. All of my meditations recently, all of the groups are then the unshakable man community, there’s just been this enthusiasm, this energy, this wanting to get back in here to the podcast studio to share everything that has been going on inside of our community over the past two and a half years. Gentlemen, thank you. Thank you so much for being here, for subscribing, for listening and for participating in this community. From the bottom of my heart, I am celebrating you for investing in yourself for showing up for yourself. And in doing so showing up for others. This episode is our welcome. It’s our community welcome episode. And I want to do two major things here today. First, I want to introduce you into the community as a new listener, you might be listening to this later on further down in the year. And we’ve designed these episodes, or I’ve designed these episodes, so that you can listen to this.
Chris (01:43):
And then the next three episodes as an entryway and a Getting Started flow to see if this community is right for you. But before I jump into an intro into our community and how you can get started, I wanted to just share in this sense of appreciation. And I want to say thank you to a whole list of men, I actually have a list of 58 men here, I’m not going to read them all off right now. But it was a creative exercise for me to just get in and to conjure up and to remind myself of all of the men who have stepped in to create these circles and to create this community and who have been a part of this work with me. And but most importantly, I want to focus on the five the five facilitators of healing and the holders of space, who have been through the past four cohorts through these journeys and who have stepped up to hold space within The Unshakable Man Studio. The first one I’m just going by our community schedule is Julio Antiguas.
Chris (02:48):
Julio, holds space every Monday morning at 9am. Pacific Standard Time. Thank you so much Rio for showing up every single week and holding space for the men in our community. It has just been a gift to get to know you and to go through this practice with you and to learn with you. Brandon grew Brandon hold space for both our weekly checking groups at 9am Pacific Standard Time on Wednesdays Excuse me. He holds space for breathwork on Wednesdays at 9am Pacific Standard Time and then just after that 10am Pacific Standard Time 1015 He has a men’s checking group. And Brandon, thank you for bringing your gifts into this community. Brandon space is unique in our calendar and our studio calendar. Because he gets to do breath work and a men’s group back to back and it happens in the hump of the week on a Wednesday. It’s a beautiful space. There’s a beautiful group of men that show up there every week. Steven Rosenberg Steven Rosenberg is our newest facilitator. He holds space on Friday on Wednesday evenings 530 east pacific standard time 830 Eastern Standard Time. He has cultivated a group of men mostly on the East Coast. And Steven, like I said, is our newest facilitator.He’s been through three unshakable man cohorts. And really he’s paving the way for the future of the men here within our community.
Chris (04:22):
And then, Jeremy LeBlanc, Jeremy has been a part of the community from the very beginning Jeremy holds space on Fridays. He closes out our week Fridays at noon Pacific Standard Time. His group is just a beautiful deep container. Jeremy, thank you so much for being a facilitator here and just bringing your gifts to us. And then came Bigelow cam does not host a men’s checking group at the moment but he does hold space every single Saturday and I just want to point out that cam has not missed a single Session over an entire year, he brings just this beautiful energy on Saturday mornings. He just gets to show up, he always lets me know how much he enjoys getting to hold this space for breathwork on Saturday morning at 9am Pacific Standard Time, and then I hold space on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Saturdays. Gentlemen, thank you for listening. Thank you for listening to this episode. If you’re new here, these are all of our facilitators of healing that make up the containers within the unshakable man studio. And all of these men have been through these three month unshakeable man programs or unshakable man cohorts. These are closed groups where we do the same things that we do within our check in groups. But they’re an opportunity for men to go through a three month journey together within a closed container.
Chris (06:00):
And these two offerings have just blossomed to create this community of men who want to show up to connect, heal and grow within these spaces, we learn physical tools to slow down, and to get out of our head and egoic patterns and to get into our body. And then to show up to learn how to respond to challenges in our life in a more empowering way, to learn how to go deeper within our bodies within ourselves, to connect with ourselves to heal, to bask in our internal pool of peace, the subtle joy of being. And all of this has an opening quality to it, a releasing quality, a de-stressing quality, that frees up energy and awareness, to be able to be placed on other areas of our life, so that we can make meaningful changes in our life. And we can be supportive to all of our relationships at work. That’s in our creative practice, our gift to the world, our purpose, anybody and everybody that we come into contact with this work is deeply meaningful, emotional, spiritual work.
Chris (07:19):
And these men in this community are who make it possible. So I’d love to jump in for the rest of our episode here. And just this is for you, this is for you, the man who might be listening to this podcast for the fifth time, the second time, the first time, maybe you just found us on Instagram, maybe a friend recommended you in here. And what I’d like to do is just bring you from out here at the top, wondering who we are and what this is, and what’s available to you. And then bring you down here into the middle where you’re aware of what is available to you. And, all of the things that we might talk about in our community welcome call, which is off available to you. So first, let’s just start off with an intro to the unshakable man community, how to use this podcast and community. Okay, how to use this podcast and community.
How to Use This Podcast and Community
Chris (08:13):
Alright, I put those two things together. And so to answer this, what I want to bring in is three things, the view, the practice, and the result. All right, when we go out to make meaningful shifts or changes in our life to show up in our life in a more empowering way. There’s always the view, the practice, and then the result. The view is our perspective on the problems in our life on the challenges in our life. And we acquire this view from our culture, we require it from the media, we acquire it from our relationships from the people that we have around us. And what we do here on the podcast, is that these podcast episodes, these interviews, these workshops, all of the material on this podcast is here to help reset or give you a new view on what you are experiencing in your life. Okay, so an example of resetting our view is that there are no good or bad emotions, there are only constructive or destructive reactions to emotions, right? But in the practice of our life, right in our life experience leading up until you just heard that maybe you think that there are bad emotions and good emotions, acceptable emotions and unacceptable emotions. But the reality is, there are no good or bad emotions, there are only constructive or destructive reactions to emotions. When we move away, or tighten our body or our nervous system reacts to the sensation that’s happening in our body, then we have an experience, right?
Chris (09:52):
And so that’s just one tidbit, right? One tidbit, another example of resetting the view is that in our culture as men, as human beings who identify as male, we might think of stress and anxiety as being bad, right? So we try to reduce it or fight against it or cultivate a protector persona, or personality, we might have an aggressive personality towards stress, right? So we’re gonna talk about those things here on the show. But then when we talk about it, we’re setting the view. And then there’s the practice and what the practice is, is actually dropping into your life as it is, right, and learning a new way to respond to a very specific thing that’s happening in your life, not to your life in general, but to a specific thing, okay. And then when you learn this new practice, that’s a new way of showing up a physical thing that you can do a physical shift, you can make not mental physical, then we notice a new result. Okay, we notice a new result, and it goes to view practice results. And so that’s where the community comes in, is that we learn these things, we drop out of our head and egoic patterns, we get into our body, we practice opening and being vulnerable, so that we can learn so that we can find our edge. And we do that in the community.
Chris (11:22):
All right, and that’s really it. Like, for a long time, when we were for me, for the past three years, as this community started to develop and grow. I, a lot of the time, I felt like I was on an edge, I didn’t think my way to creating this, we felt our way here. And this community has formed out of the ground out of the natural state of things out of a need, right that we men, we need to have other men in our life where we get to practice and learn how to show up in a more empowering way. And so from that perspective, we are all leaders here, I might be a facilitator, and a host and a guide. But within these spaces, I am showing up as a man I am being vulnerable to. And so that brings me to the top four things that I want you to be aware of. Okay, as you come into our community, okay. And so the four things are already listed number four, like what is an emotion, but I’ll get into it again, the top four things that I always like to review, and we can go over these in our community welcome call and a more conversational way. But this, just as at since you’re listening and we might not have met before, it’s really important to me that we review these.
Top 4 Principles
Chris (12:42):
So the first four things are confidentiality versus secrecy. The second one is the intention. And that’s the intention of all of the spaces that we create here, whether that’s a one on one interaction and coaching, whether that’s in a welcome call, whether that’s in a men’s check in group, whether that’s in a breathwork session, or whether that’s in a cohort, this intention spreads out from the center from this moment out into everything that we do here within the unshakable man community. The third thing is rapport and reinstating safety. Okay, sometimes I shorten this to just say creating a brave space. Okay, not a safe space. Alright. And then the fourth thing is, what is an emotion? Okay, what is an emotion? And now I always like to remind everybody that scientists don’t actually agree on emotions, researchers don’t actually agree on what the definition of an emotion is. But the definition of emotion that we use here, then our community to do this work and to share together to be able to connect is the definition used by Dr. Eve Ackman, who did a research study with the Dalai Lama called The Atlas of Emotions on just what do emotions researchers agree on? And so we use her definition of an emotion, which I’ll give you in a few minutes. Okay, so let’s go through these four things, confidentiality versus secrecy.
Confidentiality vs Secrecy
Chris (14:09):
It’s very important to me that anything and everything that you bring into the spaces is confidential. You do not have permission to share or say what another man has said in the groups or to share any personally identifiable information about that man. All right. But it’s also important that you recognize I know the difference that it’s confidential, but it’s not a secret. Okay. And so what that means is that you have permission to share your experience from this work. And in fact, I would actually invite you to please share what you discover in these groups, with your journal, with a creative practice with your therapist, with your coach, with your loved ones. with your parents, with your kids, with the kids of your partner, right? It doesn’t really matter to me who you share your experience with, what matters is that you take the work, the discovery of the things that are happening inside of these spaces with the relationships with the men in this community. And then you bring it out into your life as it is, right because that’s how we integrate what we are learning, and what we are discovering in these safe spaces in these brave spaces. In those groups, we bring it into our life as it is and we break through to a new level, and we learn how to show up in a more empowering way. We learn how to respond. Okay, so that’s the first most important thing you need to know.
Intention and Reinstating Safety
Chris (15:46):
The second thing, okay, is the intention. Right. And this is so much more than the words that I’m going to say to you. But our intention here is to learn tools to slow ourselves down. Using our breath, to drop out of our heads out of our heads, like you can be somewhere else not be present, right, I can be off in my head and a thought, anxious rumination, automatic negative thinking, anger, upset, overwhelmed, I can be somewhere else, to drop us our breath to drop out of our heads and egoic patterns and to get into our body. Okay, and when we learn how to do that, for ourselves, to show up and hold space for other men, to help them do the same thing. And then we, together in community, learn how to rewrite the scripts of what it means to be a man and how to show up in our life and relationships. This is where the growth happens. Okay, so that’s our intention to slow down to learn tools to slow down. Mostly using our breath. Right? But this is a full body experience. This isn’t just any one thing, we’re bringing our full life to this, okay? And now number number three, okay? This is rapport and reinstating safety or creating a brave space. Sometimes when we step out, okay, when we step out to do this work, we make the mistake of thinking that we need a safe space. Right? And we desire a safe space, right? We want a safe space. But the challenge, the existential kink, the dilemma, the paradox of this work, is that when we go to create a safe space, we actually end up creating a space where we’re afraid to make other people feel unsafe.
Chris (18:01):
Right. So now we’re not being real, we’re not able to truly connect, right and to make mistakes, right. So the third one is, we are here to create a brave space. And to create that brief space, we all need individually, all of the human beings who are a part of these groups who happened to identify as male, all of the men. And notice how big a point I’m making about this, okay, is that we can take personal responsibility that I can take personal responsibility to let the group know how I am feeling. From moment to moment, from state shift to state shift from interaction to interaction, all I have to do is to be able to let the group know how I am feeling. And that doesn’t mean you have emotional granularity or vocabulary, or that you’re good at it. It’s just that you can take responsibility so that I don’t have to take responsibility to interpret how you’re feeling. Okay? And that could be as limited as I feel scared.
What is an emotion?
Chris (19:06):
I feel stuck. I feel overwhelmed, I feel flooded. I feel stressed. I feel joyful, right? Whatever it is, if you can do that, if you understand and can agree to these three things, it’s a problem and you’re curious and still open probably means you’re a really good fit for this community and to do this work. And then number four. All right, there’s a bunch of other awesome artifacts that are really exciting that we’re going to talk about on the podcast, but number four is what is an emotion. Okay, I asked this one as a question. Because it’s really important to me that you, I can’t tell you what you are feeling and you can’t tell me what I am feeling. I am the only person who can report on my emotional experience. So if I am poorly trained a poorly trained me searcher, as Dr. Eggman likes to call it right if I’m a poorly trained researcher Then I’m just, I’m just bad at reporting, right. And so what is an emotion and so this is the definition of an emotion that we use here in these groups is that an emotion is a physical sensation, that’s happening on or inside, on or inside my body, that the mind, notice, I don’t put the mind in the brain, the mind is consciously or subconsciously aware of. So maybe I’m not conscious of this, right? That is sending a message to the brain that something important is happening to the body’s well being. Okay?
Chris (20:49):
So an emotion is a physical sensation that’s happening in or on the body that the mind is consciously or subconsciously aware of that sends a message to the brain, that something important is happening to the body will be an emotion and a feeling. For our purposes are different, okay? A feeling is our interpretation, or our relationship, our label of the physical sensation that’s happening in the body with the language that we have available to us, right. And so if I have a reduced emotional vocabulary, if I say I feel stressed, it’s very different than saying, I noticed that I feel rushed, tired and confused. Right. And so that is just one example of one of the things we learned here. And we’ll talk about this at length in depth across the next season of podcast episodes. But most importantly, I just want you to make sure that I plant a seed that this is happening physically in your body. All right. And we use our breath as a tool to drop in and to start to become more aware of the subtle sensations that are happening on or in my body. And so that brings me to the fourth part, and also what we are physically doing here, like what do we do here in this community? Okay. We run groups, breathwork, sessions, cohorts, and one on one coaching. Okay, so that’s groups, breathwork, sessions, cohorts, and one on one coaching.
Chris (22:25):
And we also have the podcast and all of the different content that we create. But mostly, it’s the podcast. And then we have the group’s breathwork, cohorts and coaching, all right, all of these are doing the same thing in a different way. Right, they’re all creating a container. And in that container, we slow things down, so that we can start to become more aware of our relationship with subtle body sensations, or thoughts or moods, or judgments or stories. And we get to learn how to show up and how to respond to these things, right, how to release our power to connect, to heal, to grow, right, but I really don’t want to use like, fantastic language here. Right? It’s important to me that we use language that actually connects with you. It’s not a fantasy, it’s not magical thinking, right? That these are grounded practices that you can pick up and learn. Right? And so our groups, what are they, they’re one hour long, men’s check in groups. And I’ll explain more about what actually happens in those groups in another episode. But really what we do is we arrive, we learn how to arrive in space, we learn how to go through a business round and agreement setting, then we learn how to check in.
How to Check In
Chris (23:39):
Alright, there’ll be another episode on just how to check in. So we learned how to check in, then we that’s when we start to create the first layer of the circle, then we learn how to do a second round check in this is where we go deeper, we hold space to go deeper into a subject of the day, or whatever it is we’re bringing into the space, and then we check out Okay, and what you’ll notice by that is that there’s even in my description is there’s almost like a curve, we start up here and then we drop down. And we come back up where we go back into our life as it is. And this interaction, right? This ability to drop in, to open up to be vulnerable, is what starts to shift our perspective, our relationship with our life as we think it is, right. And this is where real learning happens. Right is in what’s called a liminal space. And again, we’ll talk about that more. So we have our groups and these happen throughout the week at different times. And so after you join the community, we will welcome you to a welcome call. You can come in just ask any questions that you might have. Right? And then we’ll introduce you to a group and you get to go through your first second third up to 12 groups over three months and I highly suggest going through that progression.
Neurosomatic Breathwork Sessions
Chris (24:58):
We have breathwork neuro somatic breathwork sessions, these sessions are an hour long, they’re guided breathwork journeys where you’re lying down on your back, using diaphragmatic breathing, we’re learning how to arrive in space again. And then we’re going through a practice of connecting with the ground beneath us. Okay, realizing that we are not separate from the natural space around us, that space inside of me is not actually separate from the space outside of me. And then we’re using the breath, to get ourselves out of our head and into our body and to allow stuck energy and emotion to be released. And these sessions are just magnificent. They’re just amazing, I highly suggest dropping in with Brandon, or cam, or myself, okay, and we’ll be adding more of these to the studio calendar over the next year, as the community grows, then we have cohorts, right and cohorts are a great way to get started with our community cohorts are the same setup as our Ben’s checking groups, but they’re longer and deeper. And they’re a closed group. And we go through a journey together as a group of human beings as a group of men, and we learn how to support each other and how to build these deep relationships. Right, I often think that we are the average of the five men we hang out with most. I just said men have five people we hang out with most. Going through a cohort is a great way to get started in this work. And then you can continue your practice in the studio with a checking group, right. And sometimes men go through the cohorts 2, 3, 4 times.
Chris (26:43):
And this is usually because now what we’re doing is our work becomes practicing with other men to help them go deeper. Right. And I’ll share more about when the next cohort is getting started. It’s probably going to happen around March, but you can head over at the end of all that you know what you can do. And then we have one on one coaching and that’s with myself or any of the other coaches that are within our roster here. Within the unshakable man. If you reach out to us to schedule a one on one coaching relationship, well, we’re going to match you with any of the coaches that are currently available, so that you can reach out to them and see if you’re a good fit, okay, but all of this works together as a community. Alright, because we learn in community. All right, and that’s what we’re missing as men. So I’ll jump into the next steps and four ways to get started before talking about the last part. But you’re already there. If you’re listening to this, you’re just at the tip of getting started, like to guide men to come back and listen to this first episode first, to just start to get an intro of where we’re at, saves you a lot of time, and having to read and I hope this places this in the dichotomy of all the different things you could be spending your energy and awareness on, and gives you a better understanding of like, why would I want to invest my time in the unshakable man community. And so we have, the first step is really subscribing to our email. And then the next four episodes that we’ll get into. We’ve designed these episodes after the past year and a half of going through cohorts together. myself and Dr. Chris Bromberg has talked at length about.
Chris (28:28):
What are the subjects that repeatedly come up, day in and day out to four new men who are entering the space and I would say men who are unaware of this work, and who are just getting started. And so those four episodes, if you subscribe to our email list, we’ll send them over to you so that you can get started. It’s just a great way to fast track yourself into what it is of what we do here at The Unshakable Man. Second, you can attend a community welcome call. This is a call that we host for 30 minutes every week, with myself and other members of the community. This is not a checking group, it is just an opportunity to come and be an Ask, ask any and all questions. Really, it exists to just help you become comfortable enough to get uncomfortable. Again, we’re not here, we’re not gonna, we don’t expect you to feel safe and secure. Coming into these groups. This is a scary thing. It is a big deal to join a men’s group. I honor you for stepping into it when you do so. That call is there for you to ask any and all questions and just really to connect with guys at a conversation level. And after that call, you can become a member. Alright. And then as a member, my protocol, what I always suggest is just find your first group, find one group that you can commit to and show up with that group for three months or 12 weeks. All right, and that’s a fantastic opening journey to go through. or you can do the other thing which is join our next cohort, which is just this beautiful journey of where we gathered together as a group of men.
Chris (30:11):
And this is going through a similar experience, but it’s deeper and longer. And the intention there is to learn these tools so that we can then continue our practice in our life or in the studio. And the subject. This is the question that I always get about these cohorts like is this related to parenting? Is this related to addiction and recovery? Is this Riddick related to stress and anxiety and burnout? Is it related to depression and the dark night of the soul? Is it related to finding my purpose in life for being a better entrepreneur, being a better partner, a better husband, a better a better parent? Right? Like a better friend? Is it related to opening up to the wholeness of who I really am, and deepening my practice with myself? Guys, it’s all of it. Right? The problems in our life, our curriculum, and we each have our own. And what we are doing here is we are learning as a group of human beings who happen to identify as male who live within this man box. We are learning in these containers to hold space for any and all emotions for any and all problems.
Man Box
Chris (31:26):
So what you bring to the cohort becomes the cohort’s focus. And that is why this work is so freakin powerful. All right, that is why I am here recording this for you is because this work is meaningful, it has affected my life, it has opened me up to whole new areas of my body, new emotions have deeper and wider, more vibrant emotional spectrum. And it’s deep in my relationship with my partner, my fiance, and all of the guys in this community. It’s really, once you feel this, once you go through this, it’s a natural step to just want to share it. And so that’s, that’s why we’re here. And so finally, if you’re interested, you can schedule an intro call for one on one coaching and that’s with myself, or any one of the facilitators that are currently available here at the unshakable man. But that’s it. Those are the four ways you can get started. I’d like to actually end on the Getting Started subjects for the next three podcast episodes because this is where it’s just exciting to talk about. I get super enthusiastic about this stuff. But this is where the next three episodes are right with Dr. Chris Bromberg. Episode Two is on the man box, we have a beautiful conversation about what it means to be a man and how our culture, our society and the media has created and constructed a box that constricts men and keeps us within this space. Okay, with gender role strain, the media politics, right?
Chris (33:13):
And how becoming aware of this box gives us the ability to break out of that box. Right and that is a key component of what we are doing here. I’d say at the tertiary level getting into this work is becoming conscious of the unconscious of what I didn’t realize how I was being held back. Alright, so that hour long episode, Dr. Chris Bromberg is the second one. The third one is empty connection syndrome, right, that I mentioned in here that emotions are physical sensations that are happening in the body, right? This issue that we have today with technology, of looking outside of yourself as a human being to feel better, right, like I’m going outside of myself to eat some sharp cheddar cheese, which I am definitely addicted to. Right. When I reach outside of myself to look at Instagram, if I reach outside of myself in my relationship in dating, if I reach outside of myself with a new creative project, right? We’re on this hedonic loop of looking outside of ourselves and moving and trying to get what we need outside, right. And then this is only further only further becoming a problem with technology, right? Which is just designed to rob your energy and awareness and pull it outside of yourself with pornography with websites and with apps.
Learning How to Be the Craftsmen of Our Lives
Chris (34:57):
It’s just all there and we have to become aware of it, right, we have to become aware of this looking outside of ourselves, when we can actually start to be guided inward, right to start to realize our own basic goodness or subtle joy of being, the ability to be with any and all emotions in the body, okay? And this has incredible effects on our ability to be intimate, or ability to go deep with our partners or ability to go into to break through fear, or to just even just become fearless, right to just move through fear and to do creative projects, right? To be able to bring your gifts to the world, empty connection syndrome. Okay. And then number four is practice brotherhood and becoming skillful, right, because we aren’t here to become something we aren’t, we’re here to discover who we really are that we are already, basically good individuals on the inside. And what we’re doing is learning how to go through all of the protectors, all of the things that are getting in our way to open up to who we truly are. And this requires brotherhood, this requires learning this in relationship with other human beings. Right? And it requires skill. Right, not doing it the right way or the wrong way. But developing a skill is just like learning to bake bread, right? Like that. I often think about that here, like, how do these things relate to other crafts, right, because we’re really learning how to be the craftsmen of our life.
Chris (36:48):
And so that’s it guys I am just so deeply excited to be here and to be able to record this episode for kicking off episode season two of the unshakable man podcast. And as I go to the end I’m gonna just want to mention that this has just been really the most meaningful work of my life. I didn’t know I would be here 10 years ago, when I experienced a massive anxiety attack when I was 28. And I’m turning 38 years old on February 25. And to be here today, with a group of men who I just feel so connected to and to be recording this into the ether into the screen and to know that there are men out there that are going to be listening to this and potentially joining into our community. It just feels vibrant, connected, grounded on inspiring appreciation and fear, right? It’s just so wild, how natural and yet immense this feels in this moment to be able to record this and to share this with you guys. And so I’m just deeply excited to get to meet you. And to see you in a community welcome.
Chris (38:16):
Call, if you have any questions just reach out to support an unshakable man calm and myself or one of the other facilitators will get back to you. And then lastly, I did want to let you know that there is a big announcement coming. There’s a big announcement coming for our community. It is not yet ripe enough to share or to pick and to say right now, but I have a big announcement coming that I am really excited to share. I hope you subscribe to our email list if you haven’t already joined our community and so that I can let you know about it. Be well, thank you so much for being here and congratulations to you. I hope to see you in the next community. Welcome Call.